Randomly I found a YouTube video featuring a panel discussion about addiction featuring a rock star, a smarmy comedian/host and a TV doctor arguing about addiction and if we have a choice whether to give in to our cravings and self-destructive tendencies or if we're prisoners to want. The doctor explained that some people are hostages to a part of their brain that is animal instinct. The dubious TV host asked, "what about free will?" The unresolvable debate continues as I walk the aisles of Trader Joe's bypassing the many varieties of potato chips tempting me like little vacuum-packed devils. I make constant silent pacts with myself: microwave popcorn is extremely unhealthy apparently but "organic" popcorn in a bag I arbitrarily decide is ok. I renounce bread but permit coated fish and the occasional piece of pita. Rice is okay sometimes but brown is better. Red meat once in a while for the B-vitamins. When it's hot out I long for coca-cola and greasy cheeseburgers. If I'm bored or tired I imagine snacking on Doritos and chicken wings. My willpower is a 98-lb weakling getting sand kicked in its face by my burly cravings. The push and pull between the desire for self-improvement and the comfort of sweet and salt and crunch is eternal. An unflattering ID picture provides the strength to go for a long run after work despite feeling exhausted. A victory. But in the obscurity of late-night 'who's-going-to-know?' solitude my resolve is tested again. I recall the dark chocolate Lindt squares I'd stashed  earlier in the week waiting for me downstairs in the kitchen as I contemplate brushing my teeth and calling it a night. The battle never ends.